Sunday, December 12, 2010

ONCE AGAIN, IT'S THE BEST OF MISTER THISTLE !

It's that time of year when I look through the stuff I've written on behalf of my alter-ego and decide what's worth reading and what should be ripped to shreds and thrown into a roaring fire.

So here's my holiday list of Thistle gems posted from 2010.

LET'S ROAST SOME MOVIE CHESTNUTS

I know almost nothing about horror films, since I rarely watch them. But this I know. A woman, being chased by a lunatic with a large knife or other weapon with life-taking potential, will always trip and fall.
(discover more annoying movie bromides in this post dated May 16th)

KNOWING WHEN TO SHUT UP

We all need to know what's going on in the news. What we don't need is some lamebrain reporter telling us in painstaking detail how to build a bomb to achieve the most devastating effect.
(learn how easy it is to blow stuff up in this post dated May 4th)

NFL SEARCHES PRISONS FOR TOP DRAFT PICKS

Instead of scouting colleges all over the country, scouts should spend time in prisons talking to wardens.
(a revealing update on football felons in a post dated April 30th)

EARTHQUAKES AND LOOSE WOMEN

The breaking news from the Middle East this year was that earthquakes are caused by promiscuous women. I had suspected this all along, but never had any hard evidence to confirm my beliefs until now.
(an Iranian cleric explains it all in this post dated April 23rd)

INAPPROPRIATE RESPONSES

For reasons that defy explanations, we sometimes say things to people that make no sense and can't be retrieved once we spit them out.
(abandon all rational thought in this post dated March 16th)

MAKING THE MOST OF A WRETCHED EXISTENCE

Far too much effort and money is spent trying to think positively. And don't ask if I prefer a glass that's half full or half empty. If you're going to give me a glass of something, fill the damn thing up.
(look on the bright side of failure and incompetence – February 15th)

THE TROUBLE WITH PLANETS

Planets are too distant to get emotionally involved with and most of them, as you're about to learn, are poorly named.
(why Earth is a lousy name for the place we live – February 6th)

GET ON FACEBOOK AND SHARE POINTLESS STUFF

Yolanda has a pimple on her nose … Meg takes long walks when she's upset … Clyde's favorite day is Wednesday … Larry enjoyed sausages for breakfast … Ed waxed his floor … Tim couldn't get a song out of his head.
(to explore a mecca for meaningless exchanges, check out January 6th)

To read these top Thistle stories in their unabridged and far more satisfying versions, just keep strolling down the page until you find the dates that match the stories.

If you write and leave a comment that's clever, funny, insightful, or charmingly insulting, I will write back acknowledging your astute remark.

CAUTION. There will be no cash prizes for the best comment. On the other hand, there will be no malevolent zingers for comments that are idiotic.

@#$%&@