Saturday, January 16, 2010


Junior Gotti, having served nine years in prison on charges that he ordered hits on several people, is now released and ready to put his talents into writing crime stories.

And who would be better qualified than the son of notorious Gambino crime family boss, John “the teflon Don” Gotti.

Junior's credentials for such a career shift are impeccable.

Here is an ex-Mafia crime boss who has been through four racketeering trials and, because of mistrials, won't be asked to face a fifth. For some reason –perhaps death threats to some of the jurors – a jury of 12 could never agree that Junior was guilty of planning the murders of punks who got in his way.

Part of the trials included the plot to kidnap and attempt to kill Curtis Sliwa, founder of the Guardian Angels, for his denouncement of John Gotti as “Public Enemy #1.”

A son cannot hear such things said about his father without wanting to rip the throat out of the one spewing such truths.

During Junior's heyday, there was also talk of 8 murders, drug trafficking, bribery, extortion, and fraud. So writing books about what you know makes perfect sense.

Maybe when Junior gets a few cold-blooded best-sellers under his belt, he might try his hand at writing children's books. And who knows, they could become classics.

Little Billy Kills His First Cat
Sofia Finds A Body In The Cellar
The Stool Pigeon and The Rat
Tony Loses His Kneecaps
Guido Swims With The Fishes

So now that you know what it takes to have a successful career in writing, get out there and kill somebody.


Wednesday, January 6, 2010


Yolanda has a pimple on her nose … Ed's knees aren't what they used to be … Meg takes long walks when she's upset ...Clyde's favorite day is Wednesday … Mavis prefers her eggs fried … Larry is learning to juggle ...Naomi is now a brunette … Archibald is upset with his name ...Eunice waited an hour for a bus … Ron couldn't get a song out of his head … Shelly had 2 glazed donuts for breakfast ...Ernie waxed his floor… Cynthia is happiest when it rains ...Wally got a new dog … Caitlin banged her big toe again ...Orville likes purple shoes.

Instead of the usual meaningless babble, it would be inspiring if more Facebook people discussed things like underwear bombers and the momentous problems of airport security ...the absurdity of terrorist trials taking place in New York City, just blocks away from ground zero … the FBI and the CIA, who apparently lack the skill to connect dots, putting us all at risk by refusing to share critical information … and believe it or not, there's no tipping in Japan, yet the service is excellent.

If this is a bit weighty for Facebook, there are simple ways to lighten things up.

How about this, for example? Warren Beatty slept with 12,775 women. Did he keep count with a clicker? You could get a hernia just lifting his little black book. And why would Annette Bening think she could change such a stud muffin?

I mean, Warren is certainly no Wilt Chamberlain, who claimed to have bedded 20,000 ladies and still found time to play professional basketball. But these are impressive numbers.

And finally, a question that begs discussion. Does all this diminish the recent achievements of Tiger Woods?