UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT

Well, zip-a-dee-fucking-do-da! I never know what to think when I see a banner like this over a restaurant.

First of all, maybe I liked the old management. It's not like the new owners give you a list of past achievements so you can rate them and make a sensible choice.

All you get is this vague banner to win you over. I guess they're counting heavily on the word "new."

Now I have nothing against new. It's a perfectly good word, and where would advertising be without it. But I think we're owed more than a damn word. Especially given the current financial climate.

Here's what I want on their banners. A guarantee that none of their backers are greedy Wall Street swine who'd sell their kids for a capital windfall.

Plus I'd like some assurance that the chef is mentally stable. The food won't contain E coli bacteria or cause a salmonella outbreak. And that the waiters wash their hands frequently, or at least once before serving me.

True, it would require a larger banner. But it will bring credence and added comfort to their empty claim.

@#$%*@

PASS THIS ON TO FRIENDS OR RISK GETTING A STREAK OF BAD LUCK.