LOST IN THE WOODS

Can somebody please explain camping out?

I read where 49 million Americans camp in the wilderness every year. How can such a large segment of the population be out of their minds?

It might make sense if a husband and wife were desperate to get out of a crowded city filled with people who shout and shove and occasionally unleash abusive comments and middle fingers for no apparent reason.

Or a couple needed, for sanity's sake, to temporarily expand the confines of their 2-bedroom apartment or 3-bedroom home.

Or both of them use it as an excuse to separate the kids from their computers, video games, and various electronic gadgets.

But for the most part and for reasons that defy logic, families actually go away together to large wooded areas for extended periods of time.

Instead of relaxing in the dwelling they're working so hard to pay for, they choose to abandon civilization, modern conveniences, and common sense to live out their twisted, primitive fantasies.

Maybe those travel brochures cast some kind of magic spell on them that sucks out their powers of reasoning.

“Get back to the joys of nature, enjoy spectacular scenery in the wooded wonderland of your dreams.”

What these brochures fail to mention is the bugs that eat you alive, the lack of toilet facilities, the possibility of being visited by bears, screaming kids that can't be sent to their rooms, and the likelihood of at least one torrential downpour that will leave you dripping, shivering, sneezing, and wondering why the hell you ever dumped your creature comforts.

Whenever I get the urge to rough it, I go out in the backyard and lie in my hammock for an hour. Sometimes I don't even bother taking the radio.

@#$%&@