IF IT'S NOT ALIVE, IT SHOULDN'T BE TALKING.

In the world of advertising commercials, inanimate objects have far too much to say.

I've been spoken to, hollered at, and nagged by such things as chairs, clocks, windows, ovens, the sun, detergents, a tub of margarine, a sandwich, soda cans, razor blades, a beard, sneakers, a bucket of water, and a toilet with attitude.

I don't know where ad folks got the idea that objects with no pulse and therefore no credibility would be a smart solution for selling products and services. “The way that pothole talked to me, I just knew I had to replace my brakes immediately.”

I'm also not too fond of a talking Gecko with an Australian accent that acts worldly and sophisticated and talks to me in a condescending manner. Geckos, in the reptile family, are mostly found in India and Australia. Normally they make chirping or croaking sounds to communicate with one another. But the one from Geico has far exceeded his chirp and croak limitations by becoming a pitchman for a major brand.

For reasons that could be construed as inconsistent on my part, I seem to be okay with icons like Tony the Tiger, Mr. Clean, Mr. Peanut, The Jolly Green Giant, and Speedy Alka-Seltzer. I guess it's the common objects that suddenly come alive and try to be hip and persuasive that rub me the wrong way.

I'll tell you one thing. Any inanimate object that shouts at me to buy something is in big trouble. I swear, and I mean it, I will yell at my TV! These lifeless forms don't know who they're messing with.

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