TOP TEN CRIMINALS

Who decides who the top ten felons are?

Do they pick the ones who've been committing crimes the longest? Do they make their choices based on the total number of crimes committed? Or does it depend on how shocking and gory the crimes are?

For example, would the number of times a victim was stabbed be a factor? I don't know why it's essential we put a number on this kind of thing. But it's a stat the freaking news media seems keen on sharing.

By the way, who is in charge of counting icky stab wounds and what's the job title? I kind of like Stab Tabulator.

And what the hell do I do if I spot one of these creepy psychopaths? Make a citizen's arrest?

"It's all over, Killer! I've got you trapped down here in the subway, and I'm blocking the exit door with my wiry, 135-pound body until the cops come."

I'm hoping situations like this never arise since I've never been good with criminal confrontation.

@#$%*@