CATS DON'T FETCH

Why is it that cats don't take any nonsense from anybody?

You could pick a dog up by his tail. And when you put him down (unless he's a pit bull) he'll wag his tail and lick your face. Cats have no tolerance for such idiocy. It seems they were born with disdain for humans and other creatures that might be seeking favors.

You may have noticed there are no bomb-sniffing or drug-sniffing cats.

Screw that shit! Cats will not herd sheep or any other shaggy animals. And no cat will ever help blind people find their way in the world. As for learning tricks around the house, get serious.

"Roll over, Tabby."

"Sure, buddy. Whenever I'm obsessed with the urge to please and make you proud, I'll give it a shot."

So far as we know, cats can't talk. But they speak volumes with a regal look or a withering glance. It's all in the attitude. I can hear some house cat laying down the rules for his new owner.

"Let's get one thing straight, Buster. I sleep, I purr, I dig my claws into your lap, I rub against your leg when I want something. And occasionally, I'll drop a dead bird on your foot."

@#$%*@