NAMING HURRICANES

I can understand having names for planets, penises, and household pets.

But it makes no sense to give names to tropical storms with winds blowing up to 150 miles an hour. Hell, they don't name typhoons, cyclones, tornadoes, snowstorms, earthquakes, tsunamis, and other natural disasters.

So why are we on a first-name basis with hurricanes?

In the beginning, if you recall, there were only female names.

My guess is that it was men who did the naming. Probably a bunch of losers who had been in painful relationships and wanted to get even with women for reducing their lives to rubble.

These days, in order to be fair, they alternate the names of men and women. Here's the current lineup for 2008: Arthur, Bertha, Cristobal, Dolly, Edouard, Fay, Gustav, Hanna, Ike, Josephine, Kyle, Laura, Marco, Nana, Omar, Paloma, Teddy, Vicky, and Wilfred.

I know you'll be terribly disappointed if your name didn't make the list. But maybe next year, with a little luck, your bleeping name will be chosen for calamitous destruction and ruined lives.

If I had a job where I was forced to keep track of hurricanes, I wouldn't do it by names. I'd do it by numbers.

It's simpler and you don't form attachments.

@#$%*@

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