CLAPPING IS FOR IDIOTS

There's a quote from Tinker Bell, the little sprite from Peter Pan, that helps underline my point about clapping and why it should be avoided.

“Clap if you believe,” she says to Wendy.” Upon delivering the line, little Tink flies away leaving a trail of pixie dust.

This crock of twaddle, this meaningless flight into Never-Never Land reminds me of the Wall Street crowd. Watching CNN the other day, with the Dow down 400 points, the Wall Street goobers were furiously clapping at the closing bell like something good and magical had happened.

What is wrong with these people?

“Hey guys, put your hands together and applaud. The poor slob investors have lost a ton of money and they're watching the little savings they have left go down the drain."

To give the devils their due, they're not clapping because the Dow is down. That would be stupid and cruel. They're clapping because it's a Wall Street tradition to clap when the market is closed for the day.

What kind of mind comes up with a tradition like this? The concept of clapping wildly when something is finished should be ended.

You don't clap when sex is over. At least I hope you don't. Come to think of it, maybe the Wall Streeters could just sit there and puff quietly on their cigarettes when the bell rings.

If there's a need to be more actively engaged, let them whistle and cheer when the market rises, boo and hold their noses when the market tanks.

I don't even like clapping when a play ends--even when the story and acting are first rate. When done vigorously and for an extended period of time, clapping hurts the palms and pains the ears.

Besides, if I'm still sitting in my seat after the last act, that's praise enough.

@#$%&@