Friday, July 10, 2009


Every year a sizable collection of imbeciles gather together to take part in the traditional running of the bulls in Pamplona.

Injuries are inevitable and every so often a tragedy strikes. Somebody is fatally gored while other nitwits, in the spirit of good will and sportsmanship , pull the bull's tail and strike him with rolled-up newspapers in order to divert his attention.

The rolled-up newspaper, by the way, is the only defense the rules allow against a thousand-pound beast on a mindless rampage.

This Spanish Fiesta, which began 400 years ago, was made famous by Ernest Hemingway in his book, “The Sun Also Rises”-- the classic story of Jake Barnes and his pilgrimage to Pamplona.

“Papa” Hemingway was a hell of a writer, but a ninny when it came to sensible solutions. Instead of backing my statement up with several examples, I'll just leave you with this. He solved his problems with a shotgun blast to the head.

The Bull Run contestants are not, as you might suspect, limited to a family of first cousins. This is a week-long event involving hundreds of runners from around the world.

To clinch my lunatic theory, many of the misguided machismo elect to drink all night prior to their early morning run through the crowded and dangerous streets.

The poor dumb bulls are simply rushing to get to the bull ring, where they will be slaughtered-–much to the delight of the simpletons watching-–by dolts in tight pants waving red capes.