Sunday, December 6, 2009


I've grown weary listening to phonies proclaiming to be humbled by a prize or honor that should make them feel superior, snobbish or even a bit arrogant about their achievement. No one could really blame them just this once for looking down their noses at the losers.

Instead we're bombarded with words of humility and a pretense of meekness, submissiveness, and low self-esteem. HAH! And double HAH!

The “humbled” routine usually occurs when someone is judged to be a better writer or politician, wins an MVP award, a Nobel Peace Prize, or turns out to be the team's best bowler.

Just once I'd like to hear the winner say, “I won because I'm the best.” Or “Thanks, there's nothing better than kicking the butts of your competitors.”

To me, it makes more sense to be humbled by some form of defeat – like not getting a passing mark in some easy subject.

“I am humbled by my flunking grade in gym.”

But there are other acts of duplicity that are equally bothersome.

“Your call is important to us.” Yeah, well if my call was important to you, you wouldn't leave me hanging on the phone for ten minutes while I'm forced to listen to music that should only be heard in elevators.

“I'm just happy to be nominated.” Really? And as long as you're nominated every year, you don't care if you ever win an Oscar, an Emmy, or a Tony. Besides, it's not winning that's important. It's being a contender and having the opportunity to dress up, walk on a red carpet, and mingle with other pretenders.

“Let's do lunch.” In truth, I would rather have a picnic by myself in the rain gnawing on a beef jerky than to spend an hour listening to your problems and watching food dribble off your double chins.

By the way, calling someone “disingenuous” is just a pleasant way of calling them a “hypocritical weasel.”



Howard Portnoy said...

Nicely done, Mr. Thistle. But could you please NOT encourage elevators to continue playing that insipid music? What's wrong with Gershwin or Bach or any number of legitimate composers?

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