Friday, April 23, 2010


As we all know, earthquakes are caused by promiscuous women. This breaking news from the Middle East caught my eye and made my wife giggle.

The source of this revelation, Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, is a senior Iranian cleric who apparently had failing grades in Science and could have benefited from a refresher course in Logic.

Mr. Sedighi claims that women who wear revealing clothing, lead innocent young men astray, and conduct themselves in a manner considered seductive are the root cause of Iranian families being buried under tons of rubble.

I could understand if he had pitched this wild plot to a local film director to depict the growing strength and influence of women. But without the underpinnings of a broad spoof or satire, it crumbles under its own weight.

According to this cleric, the wanton women of Iran are clearly more powerful than the scores of tectonic fault lines straddling the city.

But why limit lustful women with the singular and seismic power to induce earthquakes? Let's stretch the boundaries. Imbue them with the ability to choose and create tsunamis, hurricanes, floods, volcanic eruptions, and other natural disasters.

Who knows? Women with a relaxed moral code could also be the ones responsible for hunger, drought, and global warming.

Women in that part of the world aren't laughing like my wife did about the absurdity of being blamed for earthquakes. Perhaps they don't want to be humiliated, tortured, killed--or have all of the above done to their families.

And finally, President Ahmadinejad –when told that an earthquake hitting Iran could kill as many as 12 million inhabitants-- suggested that they move.



Dinty said...

Women have been known to cause Volcanic Erections, though.

Howard Portnoy said...

I was aware of this, Milt. It is indeed amazing. I wrote a column about it myself: