Friday, August 29, 2008

CATS DON'T FETCH


Why is it that cats don't take any nonsense from anybody?

You could pick a dog up by his tail. And when you put him down (unless he's a pit bull) he'll wag his tail and lick your face. Cats have no tolerance for such idiocy. It seems they were born with disdain for humans and other creatures that might be seeking favors.


You may have noticed there are no bomb-sniffing or drug-sniffing cats.

Screw that shit! Cats will not herd sheep or any other shaggy animals. And no cat will ever help blind people find their way in the world. As for learning tricks around the house, get serious.


"Roll over, Tabby."

"Sure, buddy. Whenever I'm obsessed with the urge to please and make you proud, I'll give it a shot."

So far as we know, cats can't talk. But they speak volumes with a regal look or a withering glance. It's all in the attitude. I can hear some house cat laying down the rules for his new owner.

"Let's get one thing straight, Buster. I sleep, I purr, I dig my claws into your lap, I rub against your leg when I want something. And occasionally, I'll drop a dead bird on your foot."

@#$%*@

3 comments:

Neil (aka Uncle Neil [aka Man from Uncle]) said...

My brother once described a putative birthday party for a cat: the cats would be assembled in a room where they would have something to eat, take a bath, take a nap, and go home.

Seriously, though, I used to own cats and they are fun pets in their own right.

daylia-d'vora said...

as an active cat-a-holic rescue organization volunteer, i must relate a story ab my cat who did 6 tricks for kosher turkey ($17/pound). on command, he would roll over, sit, lie down, give his paw, switch paws, and go "uppy"

he would have told you off, mr thistle, but i'll do it for him

HISSS MEOW PURR GROWL
think that's it

Lady Bums said...

i used to hate cats but friends tell me cats are better pets for me coz we've got the same snob/stuckup attitude. but i still stick to dogs coz they're friendly and will stay by your side.

have u wondered why there are more cats getting ran over by cars than dogs? a vet told me, "that's how stuckup cats are! they think the cars will avoid hitting them so they end up dead" hehehe.