LASSIE, MY ASS

I hate to bust your bubble, my friend, but Lassie was a male collie.

I don't know why the Hollywood picture people didn't cast a female dog or change the name to Laddie. But they didn't, and chose instead to bamboozle us with their gender spin.

While doing some research, I found that the original Lassie was named Pal. And that a shrewd dog trainer had bought him for ten bucks. Which would make it one of the best deals Hollywood ever made.

As you know, it spawned a mess of sequels, a radio program, and a TV show that lasted so long you could barely stand it.

"Lassie, here girl … come on, girl!"

I wonder if they told little Timmy the truth.

Or was little Timmy old enough to figure out that Lassie-- no matter how maternal he seemed or how many people he rescued from wells, caves, and other dangerous locations—WAS NEVER GOING TO HAVE PUPPIES!

And where was Liz Taylor when the original Lassie movie was being foisted on the public? I always liked Liz and saw her as a stand-up gal. Yet she knew she was involved in a national hoax, and did nothing to expose it.

Come to think of it, one thing does make perfect sense. I now realize why nobody ever asked Lassie to roll over.

@#$%*@