Thursday, February 5, 2009

YES, VIRGINIA, THERE ARE DUMB GUYS

It's hard to say why so many men are so dense when it comes to women. But all my research indicates that it's some kind of faulty genetic wiring. Although I wouldn't completely rule out the asshole theory.

Men know that a woman likes her man to be caring. However, if there's a hint of crying on the first date, there may not be a second. Speaking of first dates, no woman wants to hear a guy's entire life story over a cheap meal at Wendy's.

And here's a helpful suggestion for all those guys who promise a woman they'll call and never do, or wait a month because they think it's cool – get lost or grow up!

I could be wrong, but I believe there's a reason why some husbands can never find their gray socks, special underwear, favorite tie, driving gloves, golf clubs, old catcher's mitt, lawn mower, or even the orange juice in the fridge.

It's the same reason that some guys can never do simple chores around the house without screwing them up -- these losers have wives or girlfriends to find stuff and bail them out.

Regarding the fragile male ego, don't be afraid to get beaten in golf, tennis, bowling, or even checkers by a girlfriend or wife you claim is your equal. And should you do something sappy – and we all do– just admit it.

Don't try to make up for it with a floral arrangement you bought in a place that also sells cigarettes, soda, beef jerky and newspapers. Understand she's hurt and insulted that you didn't give her credit for being able to see right through your flower plot.

Another annoying guy thing. If a man weighs 285 pounds, is slightly taller than a fireplug, and has never lifted anything heavier than a beer stein-- he has no right to criticize his girlfriend for putting on a few pounds over the winter or any other season.

And when you tell a woman you love her – and you're both in bed shagging on your third date – don't be surprised or offended if she's not buying it. Hey, I'm a guy, too. And some of you out there are embarrassing me with the crap you pull.

@#$%*@

1 comment:

Howard Portnoy said...

The asshole theory--priceless!

Btw, I notice you refer to "fireplugs." I thought that was a Pittsburgh thing exclusively.