Thursday, June 12, 2008

TOP TEN CRIMINALS


Who decides who the top ten felons are?

Do they pick the ones who've been committing crimes the longest? Do they make their choices based on the total number of crimes committed? Or does it depend on how shocking and gory the crimes are?

For example, would the number of times a victim was stabbed be a factor? I don't know why it's essential we put a number on this kind of thing. But it's a stat the freaking news media seems keen on sharing.

By the way, who is in charge of counting icky stab wounds and what's the job title? I kind of like Stab Tabulator.

And what the hell do I do if I spot one of these creepy psychopaths? Make a citizen's arrest?

"It's all over, Killer! I've got you trapped down here in the subway, and I'm blocking the exit door with my wiry, 135-pound body until the cops come."

I'm hoping situations like this never arise since I've never been good with criminal confrontation.

@#$%*@

3 comments:

JF said...

I think they should execute the perpetrator the same number of times that he/she shoots or stabs the victim.

kali said...

Great posting, Mr. T. I loved it! I wonder if there is any pride among the Top 10 at making the list? Do they think they occasionally stop by the post office to check their standing? Brag to their friends if they are on it? I mean, who else is going up there and checking which criminals' pictures are currently featured? Perhaps this why is the list is posted at the post office. In case we notice one of those top 10 popular felons in there checking their standings, we can tell one of the postal workers. Perhaps one of those infamous disgruntled postal workers who has an automatic weapon handy!

Neil (aka Uncle Neil [aka Man from Uncle]) said...

I prefer "stabulator." It's got a nice lilt, you can dance to it, etc.

Nice post, btw, M. Thistle.