Wednesday, June 4, 2008

WHEN WRITERS WROTE BOOKS


Once upon a time books were actually written by journalists and poets and essayists and satirists and others trained and drenched in literary skills.

Today many books are written by celebrities, felons, liars, murderers, convicted sex offenders, crooked mayors, whistle blowers, plus friends and relatives of all of the above.

I just read a story about a woman from Alabama who had a rotten upbringing and wanted people to know about it. She was illiterate, couldn't even sign her name. But it didn't stand in the way of getting her book published.

My advice to all those yearning to be writers is the following.

Do not get bogged down with style, theme, character development, pacing, originality, tone, coherence, craft, plot, viewpoint, description, entertainment, opening sentences, endings, and all the other crap that stands in the way of getting recognition, royalties, and long lines of people waiting at Barnes & Noble for your book signing.

Simply figure out a way to get your picture in the papers. Front and back page is ideal. Landing on Page 6 of the Post would be outstanding. You might even try stalking a celebrity for months.

Of course, if you get TV or tabloid coverage in a sensational rape or murder case – especially one involving missing body parts -- your career will skyrocket and the best-seller list is yours for at least 30 weeks.

@#$%*@

2 comments:

Maryann Karinch said...

You sure hit home with this one! My high school English teachers would have failed most of the people who send me query letters. Agents can't do the professional equivalent without being called very, very mean people. All the best to you, Maryann

Anonymous said...

this is bullshit!!!