Sunday, October 26, 2008

THE PLASTIC BAGS MYSTERY


It would seem safe to make the assumption that plastic bags don't grow on trees -- unless you live in New York City and spot them dangling from the freaking branches.

It makes you wonder what in hell's name shoppers are doing once they unload their groceries. I myself store my plastic bags in a cupboard and use them to cart trash or garbage to the compactor in the hall.

But apparently there's a whole other contingent out there with a more imaginative outlook. Perhaps they feel the need to free their damn bags from the restraints placed upon them by the less creative.

I envision a window being opened in the kitchen, some incantations are muttered in a cryptic language, and a kind of "dove releasing ceremony" is performed and sworn to secrecy by those practicing or witnessing it.

Maybe then the bag finds a decent breeze and flutters off in search of a new home in a nearby tree.

If the winds are wrong, it could take weeks to finally settle in. Hard to say whether they stay put once they land. I suppose the lazy ones stay. The restless ones probably go from tree to tree seeking the perfect branch.


While I find the hanging plastic bag phenomenon disgusting, some New Yorkers find a certain charm in our trees being festooned with tattered bags that grow grubbier by the day.

But if you plan to visit our city this fall as a tourist, it won't be in the brochure as a "must see" attraction.


@#$%*@

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1 comment:

Howard Portnoy said...

You are waxing poetic these days. It's nice.