Thursday, October 30, 2008

THE ENIGMA OF CANDY CORN


It galls me that I sometimes think about things that are absurd and meaningless and trivial and have absolutely no impact on anyone's life. Candy corn falls into this category with a loud clunk.

Just the other day I was wondering if these orange, white, and yellow triangles are sold only once a year.

If so, why would anybody be so dumb as to make a candy that you only buy on Halloween? Is there not a flaw in this marketing plan?

Does the candy maker go on vacation for 11 months, and then open up his doors again in October? Or do they secretly make candy for other occasions? Like heart candies for Valentine's Day. Ribbon candies for Christmas. Or chocolate bunnies and marshmallow eggs for Easter.

Maybe they should be cranking out little candy turkeys for Thanksgiving, firecracker candies for Independence Day, and still more candies for all the other holidays.

Come to think of it, the candy doesn't have to be tied in to a holiday. Look at candy corn!

Corn has nothing to do with goblins and witches and little kids in scary costumes ringing my damn bell and pestering me for crap that rots their teeth, gives them bellyaches, and makes them even fatter than they already are.

@#$%*@


PASS THIS ON TO FRIENDS OR RISK GETTING NO CANDY THIS HALLOWEEN.

3 comments:

bernie most said...

I always thought Candy Corn grew in Candy Cornfields all over Kansas. Thanks for ruining that image for me Mr. Thistle. I bet next you're going to tell me that Jack-O-Lanterns don't grow in Jack-O-Lanternfields either!

Howard Portnoy said...

Milt, there is actually a chain of stores I've seen in malls that sell only Halloween costumes. I assume they pay rent the other 11 months. Even brillianter!

Christopher said...

Corn ties into the idea of the harvest. It would probably tie in well with thanksgiving too if you like the stuff. Personally, I think it tastes like wax.