ROGER THE DODGER

I'm beginning to think that Roger Clemens, who claims he doesn't give a rat's behind whether he gets into the Baseball Hall of Fame, should be injected with a freaking truth serum instead of all those damn drugs I'm sure he's taken, but swears on his honor he hasn't.

Clemens, a married man with 4 sons, has always presented himself as a pillar of rectitude, which makes his charade all the more ugly and somehow laughable.

Roger the Ridiculous has single-handedly changed his hero status into some wacko Texan whose up to his ass in drug charges, perjury, defamation suits, and underage sex with a hot country singer named Mindy McCready. (Mindy, by the way, doesn't refute the article that ran in the New York News stating that she had an affair with Roger while still a teenager.)

We all thought those performance-enhancing substances were all about throwing a baseball harder and for more innings. Apparently the "high hard one" is now subject to interpretation.

Piling on, a woman from North Carolina has fingered Clemens as the guy who was having a relationship with Mindy. "I was with her the night she met Roger," said Jennifer Ryan Sirbaugh, Mindy's ex-roommate and inseparable best friend. And the media is trying to sniff out even more affairs Clemens might have been involved in.

As if there weren't enough humiliations in Roger's life, Bob Watson -- the U.S. Olympic baseball team manager-- has publicly announced that Clemens would be a distraction and doesn't want him pitching on his squad this summer in Beijing.

Roger's defamation suit against ex-trainer, Brian McNamee is another absurdity he could do without. Clemens already has too many cans of worms on his plate. He doesn't need to open another one. Go play catch with your boys, Roger and try to shut the hell up. As singer Kenny Rogers used to say, "Ya gotta know when to fold 'em."

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